Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
You can see me in homes wherever you happen to be
Not to mention landfills and a couple of dumps
Because you need to be replaced every couple of months
Macs on the other hand last for years
Because it takes you that long for you to dry your tears
When you realize you spent enough to renovate some rooms
And the only software you can run is iTunes
I got software that can do anything
From run the space shuttle to help you sing
They help you write when you get stuck, invest and make a quick buck
Millions of titles, yeah, and all of them suck
They got a clunky interface and they waste too much space
And they crash so damn much your table needs a leg brace
You really should try a Mac, sorry, but no I won't
You think I like the iMac and iPod well iDon't

Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
And I run all the best games in the industry
Well I got games too, dude, what's with the greed
I can run Snood, that's all I really need
What about Office? At my job we've got to
I can run Office, I just choose not to
I can get by with Open Office and with Google Docs
They're completely free to me and also they completely rock
PowerPoint is powerless and pointless like a butter knife
Outlook always leaves me with a crappy outlook on life
Excel only excels at crashing with is absurd
And all the other apps suck too...WORD!
I'm doing just fine without any of that crap
In face my Mac doesn't have a single Microsoft app
So, what, you want a medal? What do I care?
Try getting some songs off of your iPod there
Don't tell me that you never crash 'cause I'll call shenanigans
'Cause you freeze in place like a room full of mannequins
I've seen you when it happens, you sit there and smile
And watch the pretty colors spin around for a while

Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
And I'm a Linux box, heh, well obviously
The fact that you're a toaster kinda gave it away
So how's life as an appliance treating you today?
You can mock me, but you'll never stop me, I got game
Only toaster on the planet that can claim to run MAME
Compiling my operating system's a breeze
And I can burn toast as easily as DVDs
You compile your own OS? Dude are you nuts?
You trust Microsoft to do it and you're calling me the yuts?
You wouldn't catch me doin' that unless you gave me a lobotomy
So we agree on something, now go away you bother me

("I'm a PC" cameos, in order of appearance: Stan Gregory, EMC from Positive Attitude, A-Log, Michael Fordice, Alchav, Jered Perez, Brian Risner, Mario Camou, Ken Sherlock, Odd Austin, Eric Brown (as Donald Duck), Kristi, Sam Hill)
How many PCs we got around here anyway?
group: YO!
I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes

Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
And I'm more affordable than he will ever be
Well you get what you pay for, oh don't start
You paid for a computer and got a piece of modern art
Well you're about the ugliest thing I've ever seen
And have the blue screen of death burned into your screen
You're overpriced, underpowered, and slower than soccer
With more kernel panics than Orville Redenbacher
*achoo* Well what have we here?
Better renew your antivirus software another year
I'll bet that you're regretting all those links you clicked
A marriage counselor couldn't resolve that conflict
Well I can download porn, yeah so can I
The only difference is that I don't get a virus when I try
You got a stupid mouse, you got window pains
You have to bow to Apple's whim, you're where the error reigns
Well you suck, well you suck more
Your mother wears army boots, what are you, four?
You big meanie, what, you gonna run home and cry
You're a stinky poopy-head, I know you are but what am I?