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Stupid Rap Battles 3

from The Anarchist's Jokebook by Devo Spice

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about

It's a rap battle. It's stupid. It's a club-size container of mayonnaise versus a cheap Gilbert Gottfried impression.

lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Stupid Rap Battles! In this corner, weighing in at 15 pounds, with a manufacturer's suggested retail price of $12.99, and an expiration date in the 22nd century, it's a club size container of mayonnaise!

And in this corner, a man with no discernible talent, no concept of social boundaries, who enjoys imitating a legendary comedian who weighs in at 175 pounds, it's a cheap Gilbert Gottfried impression.

Hey! I'm not cheap! I was paid handsomely for this! Look, I got a sticker and everything.

Ugh. Whatever. Begin!

Oh God, it's that voice again
Like the nails on the chalkboard noise again
But you know what really adds to my deep aggravation
You're not even real, just a cheap imitation
Why in God's name would you mimic Gottfried
Did you think that it would help your career? Godspeed
Look what it did for his, I mean not the best luck
'Cause gee wiz, he was fired from playing a duck
I'm a good buy, I can save you money
And I'm perfectly mixed, I'm not dry or runny
You'll be glad you came, take a stab and see
A sandwich ain't the same without a dab from me

Who the hell would want that much mayonnaise?
What, do you use it for snow on the holidays?
Are you planning to spackle your walls?
Or do you have a body hidden that you need to dissolve?
I'll admit one of my biggest fears
Is eating BLT sandwiches for 400 years
Who are you feeding, an entire chorus line?
Or does your wife have another secret family... or nine?
Or maybe just your Mom, she likes a topping
But now you need a trailer to go grocery shopping
If you fell off the shelf you'd win the fight with a K.O.
Nobody needs a whole barrel of mayo!

Yeah, and nobody needs another Gilbert impression
But you do it like it feeds some compulsive obsession
I feel like it's had ample time to work
You sound like that on purpose, and I'm the jerk?
It's grating and annoying and it raises blood pressure
Pounding on my ears like a male Fran Drescher
When I saw your face I could tell it would sting
It wouldn't be so bad but you yell everything
A thought comes around and you feel you should share it
Spare it, you sound like a drill sergeant's parrot
The noise needs to stop before you devalue housing
Your voice give me chills, like the HAL9000

I'm sorry, Devo, I'm afraid I can't do that
Screw that, people like me, I thought you knew that
Sure you may be cheaper by the pound at the mall
But they'd save more money if they didn't buy you at all
I don't like the taste, let alone the smell, man
You're not even a brand name, what the Hellman?
People really shop in the overkill section?
Haven't seen that much white stuff since I had that infection
I make people laugh in an unusual way
If I say your name backwards will you please go away?
Deerftog Treblig, Umm,... so...
Did you really think that would work? Eat me! NO!

Who won? Who cares? Who said anything about a horse?

YOU FOOL!!!

credits

from The Anarchist's Jokebook, released March 1, 2019
Lyrics, music: Devo Spice
Vocals: Devo Spice and the great Luke Ski
Announcer: Chris Mezzolesta

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Devo Spice Hardyston, New Jersey

Devo Spice is a nerdcore and comedy rapper from New Jersey who has been called "the red-headed stepson of Weird Al Yankovic and Eminem." His demented brand of hip hop made him one of the most popular artists on the nationally syndicated Dr. Demento Show. In 2011 Devo Spice released the album "Gnome Sane?" and it went to number #28 on the Hip Hop charts on iTunes. ... more

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